Day 24: The Day I Held My Baby for the First Time

Today started like any other day, but it will now be forever known as the first day I held my beautiful baby boy.  Waiting 24 days to hold your baby for the first time feels like torture for a new mom, but I knew that Benton was in the best possible care and that he wasn't strong enough to be held...that is until today! 

Benton peeking out of Mommy's shirt.

This morning I called the NICU to see how Benton was doing and Meghan, our nurse, said he was having a good day and I should wear a low cut shirt to the hospital.  I was hoping this meant I might get to hold him but I didn't want to get my hopes up.  But, when I arrived at the hospital Meghan immediately told me I was going to get to do kangaroo care with Benton for the first time!  Kangaroo care is where you hold your baby on your chest to keep them warm and it is all about skin to skin contact with your baby; hence, the instruction to wear a low cut shirt.  After they told me I was truly going to be holding my baby in just a few minutes I could barely contain my excitement, yet I kept having waves of nerves.  Would he be okay out of the isolette?  Would his stats stay high or would he start de-sating?  I was a bundle of nervous energy and excitement.

Within minutes the nurses had directed me to sit down in a chair that lies back and they had propped me up with pillows and opened my shirt so that Benton could be placed directly on my chest.  Then they opened his isolette and starting maneuvering all his wires so he could be placed on my chest.  Once the wires were disentangled from the isolette the nurses picked up my boy and flew him through the air towards me.  It is both exciting and nerve-wracking to see your little one flying towards you because you hope the nurses know what they are doing.

Nurses hooking up the wires during kangaroo care.

Once they placed Benton on my chest and tucked his feet into my bra, they placed about 5 blankets on him to keep him warm and they rearranged his breathing tubes and IV lines.  Then the nurses left us in peace and I had one whole hour of uninterrupted time with my little man.  The feeling of this small being lying on my chest and breathing calmly was the best feeling in the entire world.  Benton was wide awake as he first snuggled into my chest but then he fell asleep and looked so relaxed and at peace.  The bond I felt with my son was incredible and it truly felt like waves of motherhood were washing over me as I sat there with my beautiful tiny boy.  I have never felt anything like it in the world.  It was ultimate bliss and I truly couldn't have been happier.  I alternated between tears of joy and not being able to stop smiling.  The hour seemed to fly by and I wish I could have held him forever.

View of kangaroo care next to isolette.

Up close and personal with my little man.

Benton did very well during the kangaroo care, not only did he seem to enjoy his time with his mommy, but his stats were amazing throughout the whole hour.  His oxygen levels went from 48% before kangaroo care to 35% while I was holding him and he stayed at those levels even when he went back to the isolette.  The fact that his stats were great during our bonding moment was such a great feeling for me since it means we can do kangaroo care again, as long as he remains stable.  Yay! 

Please keep our wonderful little fighter in your prayers and hope he remains stable and continues to grow healthy and strong. 

Enjoying this once in a lifetime moment!