A Momentary Blip in the Road: Day 83

Interacting with Mom and Dad

On Thursday, Benton turned 35 weeks gestation and as always I called the NICU to see how he was doing since I was at work.  Well while I was hoping for good news, I was greeted by the news that Benton was requiring 100% oxygen again.  This was super upsetting since he had only been requiring 50-60% oxygen the day before.  I didn't know what to do - leave work early and go see my little angel or stay put since I had been told he was stable despite needing an increased amount of oxygen.  Luckily Joe was able to go and check on Benton during lunch and told me that Benton was doing fine despite the need for more oxygen.

As soon as work let out I rushed to the hospital to see my little man.  He was still needing 100% oxygen and the doctors came over to talk to us.  The doctors had done an x-ray of Benton's chest and saw that part of Benton's right lung had collapsed and this in combination with an increase in his secretions were causing him difficulty breathing.  It seems that weaning his ventilator pressures to 30 was too much for the little tyke so while we were standing there the doctors increased his pressures back up to 33.  As always it seems that Benton makes a few steps forward and then a few steps back.  But I just have to keep telling myself that each time he has these step backs he is stronger than he used to be. 

Resting Cutie

As we spent the evening with Benton his secretions were thicker and the doctors decided to do a blood culture and start antibiotics in case he had a case of pneumonia.  The doctors were also concerned that he might have a virus since his platelets and white blood count numbers had been somewhat concerning.  Hearing this news just felt like a punch to the gut.  Benton had been just about to get his PICC line out on Friday, but now that he was on antibiotics the PICC line was going to stay in.

As I sat in the waiting area while Benton's blood cultures were taken, I spoke with the family of another 23 weeker that had been born a few days after Benton.  Their son was doing great and was actually not even requiring any type of oxygen support and was already on full feeds.  This news was hard to take, but as I sat there telling myself that every baby is different and I can't compare them - the family told me that the mom was getting to breast feed her baby for the first time that day.  My heart just broke hearing that.  I know I should be happy for other moms and share in their joy as their babies reach new milestones but sometimes it feels so unfair.  Benton and this other baby were the same age yet Benton was still requiring so much support and his lung had just collapsed that day, while this other mother was getting the joy of breastfeeding her little one.

For those of you that read the blog - you know that we try to stay positive no matter how hard it gets and how many tough breaks are handed our amazing little man - but at the end of the day I am a regular person, who feels jealousy despite wishing I didn't feel that way.  Sorry for the pity party, but this blog is not only for updating our loved ones about Benton's progress, but it is also my cathartic outlet as I continue on this journey as a NICU mom.

Please continue praying for our little guy especially to help his lungs get stronger as this seems to be our biggest roadblock at this time.

Joe comforting Benton